Babies - 22 Aug. 2010

So . . .

I’ve been meeting a lot of Rwandans, especially at the Court, where I’m the “new guy.” I tell them about myself, that I’m married and my lovely wife remains in America, and if in my office I show a photo of the two of us. I say that we recently celebrated our five-year wedding anniversary before I came to Rwanda. Then, without fail, the question is delivered . . . like a 100 mile-per-hour fastball thrown to a five-year-old on a tee-ball squad.

“How many children do you have?”

Now, be aware that I am somewhat prepared for this. After having dinner with one of my Rwandan friends, and telling him that Janet and I have been married for five years and have no children, he said that, culturally speaking, it was not the norm to be married for so long and have no children. In fact, to have such a familial situation would lead to but one conclusion . . .

Well, I can be naïve. No, no, really, it’s true. But, today it occurred to me, as I gave the brief history of Brian and Janet my statement about children (or the lack thereof) was met with a sort of sad pitying disappointment. “Ohhh” I was told, with the impression that such a thing would not be spoken of again. I explained that I’ve been in law school, and then came here, and so forth.

Of course, about ten minutes later it occurred to me that my colleague perhaps thought something else – that I was afflicted with, shall we say, a certain dysfunction. “GAH!” I exclaimed in my most excited inner monologue. Upon examination, I have come up with two solutions – shorten my and Janet’s marriage by a few years, to seem normal by Rwandan standards; or, pretend that our Shih Tzu Briscoe, and our cat Katie are actually our children. What a dilemma.